The kitchen is infused with the potential for mindfulness. Despite the hurried pace of after school activities, myriad commitments and on-the-go dining we have come to expect, the kitchen has remained constant as the central hub of the home. Yet, often, instead of a place to meet and mingle, a place to simply be, the kitchen has transformed into a pass-through station on the way to more doing.

This conception is now so entrenched that the quick pace and often scatteredness of families in the kitchen has become an image leveraged over and over in television shows and commercials to convey the harried nature of modern life of which it is a product. Lost in this evolution has been the traditional opportunities for reflection and story-sharing and the chance to ‘just be’ with family.

And yet in its essence, the kitchen remains the same. Its historical purpose even in the most overwhelmed households never becomes entirely removed. The mixing bowls may be gathering dust, the oven may lie unused, but they are — somewhat strangely — never discarded, as if we are clinging to the dormant capacity to be nourished, warmed by the flames, embraced by aromas, whenever we might just get a few extra moments away from the obligations of the day.

Mindful cooking with one’s family is about reclaiming the restorative and even healing capacity of the kitchen.

Mindfulness, according to one of its most celebrated American practitioners, Jon Kabat-Zinn is “the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally”. Considering the place in traditional family life of cooking at home, mindfulness extends rather naturally into the kitchen.

Mindful Cooking 101

Mindful cooking doesn’t have to feel fancy or inauthentic to your family’s values. But it should feel like a purposeful reduction of activity, doing less and/or doing more slowly on purpose. You are still doing something for sure. It is just that you are running in neutral gear. In this gear, there is room left to explore meaningful conversation; and yet, importantly, the tasks are sufficiently occupying such that no one feels forced to talk.

Discovery about one another can emerge even when the task is a relatively muted one. Observe how everyone has a unique approach to the task overall and individual steps (e.g., there is more than one way to peel garlic). If you already know how to cook, of course model some of those skills for your children and yet let the experience be flexible. If your teen dices up the onion a bit larger than your liking, avoid the urge to see it as a mistake in need of correction. Just let it be.

When your child starts to discuss a topic, show interest, in whatever it is. As Dr. Kevin Leman, author of Have a New Kid by Friday, has said: “Talking with your children about the little things means that they will be more likely to talk with you about the big things.” He also recommends talking to your kids by making ‘open-ended statements’ e.g., “Tell me more [about that]” rather than by asking questions, which can make kids defensive.

A recipe for success

Mindful cooking may feel refreshing from the beginning. For other families, it may initially be an awkward fit. Often, it’s a combination of the two. Stick with it and you will find the right balance for your family.

The key is to calibrate to your family style. Some guiding principles to help get there.

• Set aside a dedicated time each week to mindfully prepare a meal together. And tell the kids to turn off their cell phones but only if you can abide by it too.
• Being mindful does not mean everything has to slow to a snail’s pace. Kitchens can still be bustling and yet be incredibly engaging in a way that is mindful and connecting. The environment should be welcoming. Perhaps incorporate music in the background.
• Pick a relatively simple meal everyone will like, homemade pizza perhaps. You don’t need to cook everything from scratch nor do you need to make everything you are going to eat. Sticking with the pizza example, buying ready-made pizza dough might be a worthwhile option. A rule of thumb is for everything you cook, buy something else prepared to go with it.

Establishing an anchor for family connectedness

At Greywood, in our ‘dine-amic’ group therapy sessions, we teach the practice of mindful cooking to our teens and young adults with the aim of transmission to the rest of the family. We make accessible, tasty, and nutritious dishes. We then eat them together, family style. Finally, our clients are encouraged to return home and prepare the same recipes alongside of their families.

What happens if sometime after a client’s participation at Greywood, the family forgets to be mindful in the kitchen; in other words, what happens when invariably even with the best of intentions life gets in the way? Has the project been a failure? Not at all, which is a fundamental virtue of mindful cooking (and mindfulness in general). Mindful cooking provides an anchor when a family remembers to do it and when they do not. That’s because even when all of life’s doing gets in the way again of ‘just being’, the thought will arise that something that had once promoted meaningful time together has been pushed aside. Not to worry: restoring that tether to family connectedness is as close as the next meal.

Tim Yovankin, MD
Medical Director, Greywood Health Center
www.greywoodhealthcenter.com